Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
