I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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