ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
