Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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