The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
