Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
