did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
