went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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