Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
