Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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