Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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