my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
