Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
