I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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