we have officially lost it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
