Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
