no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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