I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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