Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
