Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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