So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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