you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my penis had a tongue
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
