im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
