i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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