Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize