Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
