Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
