He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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