Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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