Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
