can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
