I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
