why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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