yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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