I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
