Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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