I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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