Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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