There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
