My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Houston, we have a squirter
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
