Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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