Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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