is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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