I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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