Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
