Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize