You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
