I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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