That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
