Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize