Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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