I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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