"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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