Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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