The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
