He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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