do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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