He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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