I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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