i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize