He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
