the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
