so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
