There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
