i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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