Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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