dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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