So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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