foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
