the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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