you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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