"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
