the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
