it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
