oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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