haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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