he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
