I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
