I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
