Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize