from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
