Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sober January is a disaster.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
