how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
