I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
