I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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