No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
