I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
