Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize