Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
