Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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