My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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