I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
