R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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