If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize