I can tuck mytits in my pants
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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