Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
