new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
