Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
