I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
