I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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