I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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