How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
