You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
