You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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